Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Stalling due to emotions

So I was talking with my friend Daniel the other day about the struggles I've had with this diet.  Now, I absolutely know it works - it works when nothing else would.  In November I lost 30 pounds.

However, in January - in the same week in January - my friend Ken passed away, and my boyfriend, Tim, broke up with me.  Tim was by far the best support I've ever had on this.  He would ask me what I could eat on the diet and then he'd help me make decisions in restaurants based on what he knew I could have.  I loved being on the protocol with his support - he travels a lot, and when he was out of town, I'd be extra careful so I could report a solid loss every day.  I can't tell you how well he cheered me on.

I've been stalled ever since losing these two important men.

The guy I'm currently dating tries to get me to eat junk.  My weight is not that important to him. (Yes, that means I'm not that important to him either.) I'm still not settled emotionally, so the junk is a lot more appealing than it was in November.

Louise Hay teaches that overweight is usually a sign of insecurity. Anger is often an underlying cause. The extra padding is a form of protection. Now, I'm an oldest child of a large family, and I'm an Aquarius, so between the two, I'm pretty passive-aggressive.  I tend to give and give and give - then resent the fact that no one seems to care how much I've given, and go straight to martyr mode. 

And you know what?  I'm mad as hell at Ken for dying.  How dare he die? He was supposed to give me a ride on his Road King and teach me to ride a motorcycle and take me to the Melting Pot and take me shoe shopping for fun.  How could he die and leave me to deal with that? 

And how could Tim abandon me when I needed him?

Working through the anger issues is bound to help me as I release this weight.

Today's weight : 156.6 goal 125.0

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